why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
