Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
