I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
