if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
