you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
