Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i think my cat just said my name.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
