I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
