Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
