I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
