apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My dick has a subreddit
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
