I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Randomize
