Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
