names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
