sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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