worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
