tell your sister to shave her snatch
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
