Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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