Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just found a bag of teeth...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
