i think my tv is drunk
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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