happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
is it fun? or sober?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
