Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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