i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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