So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
