My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
