I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
