No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
