Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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