Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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