GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
