Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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