Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
