Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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