We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
