Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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