Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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