I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
