Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
