You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
