What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am puke
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
