what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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