So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
