I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
