I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
