thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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