Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
