Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pants are for mortals
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
