So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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