I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
