So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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