I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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