I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
