Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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