I think i peed on brittanys purse
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
