if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
