sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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