i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
