Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
