Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
