I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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