Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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