Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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