will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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