you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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