That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
