sarcasm needs its own font
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Terrible idea I love it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
