I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
