well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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