shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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