She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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