Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
