I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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