I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
