I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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