Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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