That's intense
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
