Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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