You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
