I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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