there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
