..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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