I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do herpes really smell.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
