We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
