My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
