MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.