My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
