Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
